an artist's statement

here is a semi-autobiographical commentary that i created for my friend mark for his first gallery opening. the title of the show was ballast.

Ballast: A [little] gust that shifts or changes position or direction

A long time ago, say around 29 years, Mark Thomas was born. Although there were several attempts at different careers Mark eventually found his way toward painting. He began, more then predestined one can assume, as a young lad when his mother denied him of any real coloring books. It was the cleveland paper shortage of '82 and his mother, who had a penchant for the miniature, always said "The real world has no thick black outlines. You have to make your own mark, Mark."

At age 15, Mark was partially scared on his right arm while attending the Dyslexic School for Future Left-Handed Marine Biologist (DSLMB), when one of his semi-handicapped classmates mistook his arm for a Northern Snakehead Fish. If you ask the student, even after all these years and clearly past the statute of limitations within the state, he still sticks to his story. His story is that although native to Asia, there was the rumor that two similar fish were caught by anglers and being frightened when Mark was drawing big circles with chalk on the chalkboard; the student was reacting on instinct and attempted to attack the fish. After the incident, a school code of Sea Ethics was drafted with Mark sitting on the advisor board. This statement can be found on the school's website and is recited at their yearly graduation ceremony.

Following his parents' suggestion and the advice of mutual family friend, Mark began to stay landlocked. He finished high school and attended the local university with an undecided major. With a series of awkward encounters with the locals and after a cup of coffee with a man they called Bob, Mark found himself upon a brief stint at Kent State University's Architecture Program. Mark eventually spearheaded the program that landed students in the designer's shoes. Each student was assigned a group to collaborate and design a bus stop on Kent State's campus. Although this lead to a mass deconstruction of said bus stops and the loss of millions of dollars, Mark is still proud of his accomplishment; however, cannot use that achievement as a reference nor on his resume.

From there, Mark went on to the Fine Art's Program but was promptly expelled in an incident that involved graph paper, non-sauced spaghetti, a v-neck colored t-shirt, and a promise that he would return. Later it became known that Mark didn't return because he was fathering the idea that Denny's should have a semi-annual, semi-formal dance with an open bar. This came to be known as Denny's Dance Hall. After some time, Mark added the minor stipulation that during slow dances no reggaeton would be played.

Finally, after a semi-public apology, Mr. Thomas graduated from Kent State with a BFA.

Mark has been hit by an ice cream truck, been almost arrested for his t-shirt, pretended he is a gulf war veteran, had two appendixes (or appendi) removed, convinced his parents he was vegetarian, refused to drive for three years and continues to keep his recipe for hot and sour soup a secret.

ballast:

The Backwash Squeeze and Other Improbable Feats (part II)

The Backwash Squeeze and Other Improbable Feats
A book by Edward Mcpherson Part II

Edward is currently on a book “tour”
When asked about his tour, Edward thought the word “tour” was too grand

Have a listen:
http://www.wnyc.org/shows/lopate/episodes/2007/08/09